Friday, January 25, 2008

WGA STRIKES BACK!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! FOR THE RECORD, THIS BLOGANEER HAS HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THE W.G.A. STRIKE. I ALWAYS TAPE NEW EPISODES OF 24 ON MY VCR AND USE THEM AS INSPIRATORS TO PLOW THROUGH 12 HOURS OF WORK. NOTHING POURS GAS ON MY FIRE LIKE MY SHINING EXAMPLE OF EFFICIENCY, JACK BAUER, USING EVERY MINUTE OF AN HOUR TO HIS ADVANTAGE. BUT NOW THAT PRODUCTION OF 24 HAS STALLED I CAN’T KEEP UP MY PACE. SCOTT SUMMIT’S DRIVE IS DROWNING! GET WITH IT W.G.A.! IF I WAS IN CHARGE, THIS STRIKE WOULD BE OVER AND ALL THE WRITERS WOULD BE LIVING ON THEIR PRIVATE JETS WHILE WRITING NEW SHOWS ON GOLDEN TYPEWRITERS.

W.G.A. YOU CAN WHINE YOUR WAY TO MILWAUKEE ABOUT NOT GETTING YOUR PIECE OF THE PIE OF ONLINE SALES, BUT YOU WON’T SUCCEED IF YOU DON'T TAKE CHARGE. BECOME THE BOSS OF THIS SITUATION. HOW? LISTEN UP, WITHIN MY BLOGGING WINDOW TODAY I HAVE DEVISED A PLAN FOR THE W.G.A. TO SEAMLESSLY YIELD THE RESULTS THEY DEMAND AND PUT ALL OF TINSELTOWN IN TEARS.

I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY THE W.G.A. IS SO UPTIGHT ABOUT INTERNET SALES. I MEAN COME ON, EVERYBODY KNOWS THE INTERNET IS JUST A PASSING FAD. TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEART OF THE ISSUE. WHAT'S THE REAL PROBLEM? YOU ARE NOT GETTING ENOUGH MONEY FOR THE USE OF YOUR CREATIVE SKILL SET. HOW CAN YOU GET MORE MONEY? KEEP THE SHOWS GOING. HOW CAN YOU KEEP THE SHOWS GOING? EASY, START YOUR OWN ONLINE NETWORK THAT MAKES AND SELLS NEW SHOWS. CALL THE NEW NETWORK, THE WRITER’S ONLINE NETWORK, OR WON. WITH WON THE WRITERS CAN BYPASS THAT SHYSTER NICK COUNTER AND KEEP GENERATING INCOME TO PROLONG THE NETWORK STRIKE. WELCOME TO SHOW BUSINESS NICK COUNTER.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, SOME THINGS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE TO AVOID LEGAL REPERCUSSIONS. SHOW NAMES WILL HAVE TO CHANGE IN ORDER TO KEEP THE SHOWS RUNNING.

SOME SUGGESTIONS:

BOSTON LEGAL BECOMES BOISE LEGAL

GENERAL HOSPITAL BECOMES FAMILIAR INFIRMARY

LOST BECOMES ASTRAY

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES BECOMES DETERMINED DAMES

HANNAH MONTANA BECOMES HANNAH MASSACHUSETTS

30 ROCK BECOMES 227 CHESTERFIELD PIKE

BUT DON’T FORGET, WHEN THE TITLES CHANGE YOU WILL LOSE THE COLOSSAL NETWORK BUDGETS. IN ORDER TO COMPENSATE FOR WON’S SMALL START-UP BUDGETS THE PRODUCTION TEAMS WILL NEED TO GET CREATIVE. DON’T FORGET SUMMITEERS: IT’S NOT WHAT YOU HAVE, IT’S HOW YOU EXPLOIT IT. THE TRUTH IS WON WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PUT THE CASH ON THE TABLE FOR HOLLYWOOD'S GLOSSY 35MM CAMERAS. GET OVER IT, HEROES WILL HAVE TO BE SHOT DOWN AND DIRTY ON CONSUMER DIGITAL VIDEO CAMERAS AND HAVE TO BE RE TITLED AS WINNERS. THE GRITTY CINéMA VéRITé APPROACH TO WINNERS WILL MAKE AMERICA FEEL LIKE AN EYEWITNESS TO THE STORY. THE W.G.A. ONLINE NETWORK WILL ALSO NOT HAVE THE CAPITAL TO RENT THE JOLIET PRISON IN JOLIET, ILLINOIS TO START PRODUCTION ON PRISON BREAK SEASON FOUR. PENITENTIARY GET AWAY WILL HAVE TO BE SHOT ON LOCATION IN VACANT STORAGE UNITS IN RURAL NEVADA. BUT WHILE WE’RE AT IT, WHY DON’T WE SPICE UP THE OFFICE, NOW THE WORK FACILITY, AND THROW THEM IN THE LEFT OVER STORAGE UNITS WE DON’T USE, PERHAPS EVEN DO SOME CROSSOVER EPISODES. WON WILL NOT BE ABLE TO AFFORD KEIFER SUTHERLAND IN 25 OR TERI HATCHER IN DETERMINED DAMES, BUT MAY BE ABLE TO SNAG DONALD SUTHERLAND AND SANDRA BERNHARDT.

OTHER ACTOR SUGGESTIONS:

DON RICKLES FOR HUGH LAURIE OF HOUSE

WOODY ALLEN FOR ZACH BRAFF OF SCRUBS

SETH GREEN AND DAVID FAUSTINO FOR DOMINIC PURCELL AND WENTWORTH MILLER OF PRISON BREAK

JEFF FOXWORTHY FOR JASON LEE OF MY NAME IS EARL

JAVIER BARDEM FOR STEVE CARELL OF THE OFFICE

W.G.A., THE PLAN THAT COMMANDS THE PRODUCERS GUILD TO MEET YOUR DEMANDS HAS BEEN LAID OUT IN FRONT OF YOU. ARE YOU BIG ENOUGH FOR THE CHALLENGE? THE W.G.A. HAS SCOTT SUMMIT'S APPROVAL TO PUT THE AFOREMENTIONED PLAN INTO ACTION, JUST CONTACT ME TO NEGOTIATE ROYALTY POINTS FIRST.

STAY ON TOP,

SCOTT SUMMIT

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Odd blog. Good luck with making sense.

Thud

SCOTT SUMMIT said...

ANONYMOUS, THE PLAN HAS BEEN LAID OUT IN FRONT OF YOU.

Organized Man said...

Scott Summit, I find your ideas intriguing to say the least. Have you considered running for president?

SCOTT SUMMIT said...

ORGANIZED MAN ASKS, "Scott Summit, I find your ideas intriguing to say the least. Have you considered running for president?" . FULL DISCLOSURE: I HAVE CONSIDERED RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, BUT HONESTLY I DON'T HAVE THE TIME FOR IT. STAY TUNED TO BLOG SUMMIT ORGANIZED MAN, IN A FUTURE POST I WILL REVEAL A TURNKEY SOLUTION TO THE UNITED STATES ELECTORAL SYSTEM.